Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Posted by: Roela
Time: 6:04 PM
Comments: 0
Yesterday, I came home from my one week stay in Ilocos. I went there to get a life – that is a break from anime, books and the internet which I drown myself with during summer vacation. You might be thinking that I went sight-seeing there or perhaps visit historical places since Ilocos is pretty much historical to a sense. But no, I stayed in my Tita’s house in Batac, Ilocos Norte (somewhere near Laoag) with my cousins and no, I didn’t bond with them because like me, they prefer to be in front of the computer all day. I guess it runs in the blood.

After days of killing boredom by actually watching television which I rarely do, I decided to come with my Tita when she visited the resort/farm – I don’t even know what to call it- that they were developing. (Hence, the pictures above) There were pineapples, papayas, dragon fruits planted there. It was located in the mountains so even though the sun was painful to the skin, I was able to enjoy the fresh air. I had to take a dense and arduous path, but it was worth it. At least I was able to take a break from pollution.

(There are no pictures of me because I am an ugly fuck and there are not much pictures because my camera’s battery decided to die during that trip)

I spent another few days of boredom and then went last Monday. Though before I left, my cousins and I went out to give me a tour around Batac. They asked me if I wanted to visit the Marcos’ house and see the late president’s "preserved" body but since I’ve been there before, I declined. I would have agreed if his corpse was walking around or something like that. So, we went to this “Riverside Empanadahan” for me to taste Batac’s empanada. I was actually laughing because I only noticed the “river” when we were leaving the place since the river was dry. The empanada was great.

(I wasn’t able to take more pictures because my cam’s charger was not compatible to the outlets in their house and I forgot to bring an adapter. OTL. )

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Sunday, April 1, 2012
Posted by: Roela
Time: 12:10 PM
Comments: 0
Better, better, never bitter
This post is a summary of how I spent my 13th year on Earth. This also serves as a consolation for my blog since I haven't really put much effort in my entries and I haven't made time (which I don't really have much of) to write decent blog post. If I'm going to up my 13th year it is: eventful. Maybe it's just because of my narrow vocabulary that I can't describe it in a better way, but really, it was eventful and I don't even know if I remember every significant thing that happened. Here goes:

April: I remember the excitement, preparations, anticipation that was going on because of the Royal Wedding but I didn't care about it, during those days I was busy falling deeply for him again. He came back, the memories came coming back, the feelings... & yes, I fell for the most effective joke again: I love you.
May: This is when the lies were revealed and tears went pouring. I told myself it was his lost, he lost the girl that could have loved her truly, madly, deeply. Unlike what I always I do, I didn't use smiles to hide my pain. I cried and cried until I lost every teardrop that was meant for him. I slept the pain away & told myself to never look back.
June, July: Bitter days. But it's true, that sometimes being bitter is better. Medicines are bitter but they make you feel better, right? This is when I told myself keep moving forward though it was tempting to look back. I made myself concentrate and on my studies and not let any distractions get in the way. Lesson: keeping yourself busy for an important thing like your studies is the best way to move on and forget someone.
August: Just when I was sure I have moved on, he said "sorry" Sorry? Seriously? What can your sorry do? I didn't really care about him anymore. I hid the remaining pain with smiles. I kept moving forward. Kept my goal in sight. This was the time when I realized that I had my family and friends to thankful for. But when you're too busy with your goals, you don't notice things that unexpectedly comes for you...
September: During this month, I was suppressing feelings for a guy friend of mine. I know love is complicated and if my feelings developed into a more serious state it could end our friendship and hate it that happens. So I shut my mouth and kept myself busy. But what I didn't know is that another guy friend was falling for me. He confessed and since I don't want distractions, I turned him down, immediately. I know it's gonna be awkward between us, I prepared for that.
October: It sucks losing a friend in the name of complicated, unrequited love. Just when I thought it's fine now, he'll eventually lose his feelings... he din't. And we just kept being awkward and shy around each other.
November: It's a relief seeing that friend not making efforts for you anymore. But I was quite blown away by the confession and I was a bit sidetracked with my goals. I tried and tried to keep my concentration... but I was having problems keeping it stable, for no apparent reasons. I kind of lost my motivations to study. This is when inconsistency started to creep in.
December: Remember the guy which I suppressed my feelings for. Turns out he liked my back then too. But he confessed a little too late, my feeling were already gone. But I told him that we would be better as friends, that we would never break apart if remain that way. Christmas Vacation was full of sleepless nights.
January: He started giving signals again. He started being sweet again. But there were just days when he was plain rude, some days I'd catch him looking at me when I talk to other guys. I didn't know what to do. He was just so inconsistent. I started doubting myself too, if it was him who's inconsistent or was it me? I was having trouble understanding my feelings... and suddenly something I have felt before crept into my heart. That bittersweet feeling. Again. Tried suppressing it, but with you I failed.
February: And I opened my heart to love, aware and ready for all the consequences that will come. We just have to wait for the right time. I told myself that someday, you're gonna regret the things that you didn't do, not the things that you did. If this fails, I get a lesson. So I loved like I never was broken before.
March: That annoying feeling when the first thing that get in your way is studies. Friggin' studies. I didn't know if I could do it, but tried anyway and guess what? I succeed. It was because of my fears of not being good enough, my fear of seeing my parents disappointed in me. Now, I feel soooo blessed and I thank God for everything.

After all the things that happened, I learned a lot. When you don't let you're past hold you back, it will catapult you forward. Now I'm not afraid to make mistakes and I've finally set a goal/dream that I will work for forever: To continue learning.