“I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.”
Yes, a quote from 500 days of summer. With this quote in mind I turned down a suitor a few months ago. I saw him as a friend, nothing more than that. I turned him down thinking that it’s for the best, for the sake of friendship that we had. Unfortunately, that friendship that I valued broke anyway… for reasons I still don’t know. Maybe I was misunderstood or maybe there wasn’t really a bond of friendship that existed between us. Although, it hurts losing a friend just for that reason, I made myself accept the fact that it’s over and I can’t turn it back.
Smileys and HIs -- that’s all we can manage to give to each other now, both on chat msgs and personal interactions. I had a little chat with that guy last night, then the name of a guy friend of mine whom I considered one of my best friends popped up. We talked about random things happening on school and eventually that conversation lead to another confession – something I really was not expecting.
I didn’t not say I like him and neither did I say I didn’t like him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but truth is – I only see him as a friend. I felt really awkward being near him today. I do not know what he’ll do after this but I’m sure of one thing I don’t want this to be like the previous one. I do not want to lose another friend in the name of complicated, unrequited love.
I like being around boys, because with them I can escape the cliché, complication and drama of girls’ life. But well, I think I should learn how to distance myself from them now and maybe I won’t be caught in situations like these ever again. Overthinking, counting eggs before they hatch – well maybe I am, but I do it just to prevent anyone from getting hurt.
Everyone thinks that the big complication of having guy friends is falling in love with one of them but no, not in my case, at least – the big complication is when they fall in love with you, but you just see them as a friend so you try and value your friendship over other things but breaks apart anyway.
Distance, ok, I get it.