Since I do not need to say five meters away from him just to avoid flashbacks of good ol' times and since I do not even give a fuck about him anymore, I'm going to tell you guys the story of me and a recently lost friend on my point of view. I don't even want to hold back. The last fuck I give has flown away.
We were in good terms since the first year of high school. Although we were not really close friends, we trusted each other. Or at least that's how I know it.
Sophomore days came and we eventually got closer. I don't want to make any cheesy stories because we never really had any. We were friends, good friends, close friends. That was how I saw everything had back then and I was probably too busy to notice that he wasn't seeing things the way I see them. And that's probably one of my biggest flaw and my biggest problem: My politeness often gets mistaken for actions with ulterior motives. Fast forward to the great confession that I was not expecting to ever come from him. It wasn't sweet or anything near that, he was not really that type of guy. He is the type of guy who makes past tense confessions and won't make a move on you unless your feelings are mutual.He's the type of guy that calls you numb when he doesn't even send signals. I should have known by then that he's not worth it. I should have known.
No awkwardness even happened between us after that even though I felt like I was slapped in the face when he called me numb. We remained friends, just probably because I didn't even get a chance to reject him. The confession was past tense. "I liked you back then" .
A month after the great past tense confession (January), she found a girl and he fell in love. Every night he would talk to me and tell things about her, about them. I was always there to listen. Then came my turn to fall in love. Good ol' days.
The girl eventually got tired of him (or she didn't and there was probably another reason) and there I was ready to listen, ready to give advice I know he'd never follow. That was the time when he told me I was one of his best friends. I never had a legit best friend and I was never considered a best friend so it felt really nice. Beyond nice. I am an idealistic person and I thought a best friend is someone you can lean on, someone you can trust. Maybe my ideas were wrong or I took the wrong person to consider a best friend.
Fast forward to the first weeks of our Junior year. Still friends but not that close. Probably because of my boyfriend's existence or because he started hating on me since then.
Then came the night when I called him"gay". That was never meant to be an insult, I'm not even sexist but he took it seriously, waaaaaaay to seriously. I appologized but he never accepted. That bottle of hatred towards me got broken, soaking me with words that hurt like knifes impaled on my skin. (Sorry for the cheesy description but it really hurt that much. )
I don't know when I started hearing things from people. Things he told them about me. I knew I should get mad but I didn't because I couldn't. Those things he said we're even good no where need good. Malicious. But I just wanted to bring back the old us. There was a point where I actually missed him. And there he was, thinking I could never live a happy life without him around.
After more that two months of missing him and wanting everything to turn back to normal, I finally got to my senses. He isn't worth it. Dammit, he's not even worth this post. I don't need people like him in my life. He's too shallow, to sensitive, he made promises and he never will do them. This is how I see it. This is the end and it will never have a sequel.
So if the person I'm talking about gets to read this. You know who you are. Fuck you, bigtime.
